Thoughts on Perception & Thinking Errors...

This week at our tdoc appointment, our wonderful doctor gave me a hand out that she had put together regarding the perception and thinking errors that bipolar people, children in particular, struggle with. She took much of the information from a great book entitled The Bipolar Handbook for Children, Teens, and Families and condensed it down to two pages. As we were discussing where Mary is right now emotionally (she is ALL OVER THE PLACE!), I could really see where these errors in her thinking process are having a dramatic effect on her. Here are just a few things we are seeing...

Gets stuck: runs into a problem and is unable to figure out what to do because can't visualize the next step. This leads to getting very upset or giving up... feeling hopeless. I see this often in Mary when she encounters a problem. It doesn't matter how I try to break down a step by step solution for her, she can't visualize past what she is feeling/seeing right now. This leads to the next one...

Negativity: difficulty with cause, effect, and stepwise thinking. It is hard to visualize or predict what will happen in the future. If feeling unsuccessful, assumes that it is always going to stay that way because unable to visualize how to succeed. This is a real area of struggle right now. It is hard to find joy in the situation when you feel like you are always going to be a failure, you are never going to learn this, life is always going to be hard, etc. This negative self talk only serves to make her feel more hopeless. It is like trying to fight darkness with darkness.

Intrusive thoughts: There is a failure of the mental gate to keep important thoughts in and unwanted thoughts out of the mind. This makes it hard to concentrate or follow conversations. Sometimes these unwanted thoughts get stuck or keep bombarding the mind over and over like a broken record. These thoughts are extremely difficult to control and result in strong emotions which appear suddenly. These intrusive thoughts are fueled by the negativity that she is feeling towards herself.

Leaky Interpersonal Boundaries: Hard to tell where he/she stops and other people begin- unable to distinguish their own thoughts and feelings from those of others. This is a huge one that Mary is struggling with right now. If someone is sad, then Mary is sad, but it doesn't just stop there. Mary takes that sadness and multiplies it by a hundred until she is feeling scared, hopeless, and overwhelmed. The same way with anger. If someone is angry with another family member, Mary takes that on and compounds it to the point that the people involved have become suicidal in her mind. Worrying about disappointing people is another area that she is struggling with. If she feels like someone is disappointed in her, she becomes disappointed in herself... cue the negative and intrusive thoughts... you see the cycle?

Over-thinking: Carrying assumptions/conclusions far beyond that justified by information. Exaggerated way of thinking. This also comes into play with the leaky interpersonal boundaries. If she perceives that someone is just a little bit sad, then she over thinks it to catastrophic levels. If she perceives that someone is even a little disappointed in her work, she over thinks it to the point that everything she does is a disappointment. And because she has some trouble interpreting social cues at times, a lot of what she takes on herself are just that... assumptions. She assumes that because she gets a C instead of an A that she has disappointed everyone. That is so totally not the case, but she can not be convinced. Again this leads to the negative and intrusive thoughts.

It saddens me that these perception and thinking errors can have such a profound effect on my daughter's everyday life.