Overall, Mary seems to be doing well. She has made some friends and is learning some new coping skills. She is happy just about every time we talk to her. We have noticed that she still seems manic a good portion of the time... almost giddy. The nurses and counselors don't seem to notice that so much. They have said that she is engaging in the activities, and her behavior is very appropriate. What I don't think they realize is how good she is at maintaining control of herself in school type situations. Typically she will hold it all inside until she is in a safe place (i.e. home, our car, etc.) and then she can't hold it in anymore. She feels the pressure of being different and having everyone look at her while she is raging mad. She has had one visit to the "quiet room" and she doesn't want to go back there!
She has lots of questions about what will happen after the hospital. They are good questions. Unfortunately, I don't have very many of the answers because, again the lack of communication. What we THINK is going to happen is that she will come home on Monday, go to school for a special field day (which she has been looking forward to all year) on Tuesday, and then return to the hospital on Wednesday for what they call the partial hospitalization program (PHP). That schedule may vary a little bit as her class is supposed to go on a field trip on Wednesday and she would like to be there for that as well. So, she may not go back for the PHP until Thursday, but we will have to get the doctor's approval on that one. I am not sure how long the PHP will last. We have been told that they usually take it a week at a time, which gives them more time to observe her and more time for her to ease back into family/school life. Since we will be starting the middle of the week, I don't know if they will say just come the rest of the week and be done, or come for the rest of the week and the whole following week, or what? I guess it will all depend on how well she does at the adjustment.
She was funny the other night as she was asking me questions about PHP... she said that one child had been in PHP for 4 weeks already. She was concerned that she would not be allowed to go back to school to see her friends, and that with the PHP she would have not much down time or time to play with friends in the neighborhood (we have to be at the hospital at 8:30 and pick her up at 3:15, and then there is an hour travel time each way, so that is a valid concern!). I was trying to tell her that how long she has to continue the PHP is dependent mostly on how well her medications are working to help her control herself. If she was raging and losing control, then she was going to have to be in the program longer. She said, "Well everyone should be allowed at least one rage a week!" Oh boy! I tried to explain that if her medications are working properly, then she won't feel the need to rage. It is okay to be sad, mad, happy, etc., but to lose control like she has been is NOT okay. She asked if it was okay to lose control once a month? Once every 2 months? Okay, how about once a year?
I love that girl and can't wait to see her healthy again. To have her back home will be so wonderful. When I think of all that she has to overcome everyday to function, it just blows me away. I don't have her strength. Her compassion for others, for animals, for any living thing is amazing. She is my hero!
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