Friday, August 20, 2010

It's Only August... But October is Coming

It figures that when I post good news, harder times are sure to follow. It has been a much harder week here for Mary. A little bit of background for you on the post title...

Typically the first few months of school are pretty good and then we hit October. I can only think of one October since Mary was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder that has been stable and good (really I can only think of one October since she was a baby that was good). Usually around the middle of October, the cycling begins with depression. Now when Mary starts to cycle, it is pretty rapid. In fact her official diagnosis includes the words "mixed" meaning that her depressed thoughts and her manic thoughts co-exist and cycle so rapidly that it is hard to tell where one stops and the other begins. What we have noticed is that in the fall her cycling tends to be more toward the depressed side and the spring the cycling leans more towards manic. And really the only way we can tell that is her energy level. Her symptoms are pretty much the same for each thing, but one will usually be a little more dominant. One way we look at it is this: Mary is part of a huge pendulum that is swinging back and forth from one extreme to the other (depression to mania and back again). That pendulum also includes a freely spinning ball which turns on its own axis and spins sometimes every few minutes, sometimes every few hours, sometimes every few days, etc. That ball represents her moods within the huge arc of the pendulum. She can cycle from manic to depressed and back again in a matter of minutes sometimes, but overall the mood is moving towards one side of the pendulum. We usually have a couple of months in the "in-between" where the pendulum has swung back from one extreme and is gearing up to move towards the others. These are our more stable periods. Thankfully the use of mood stabilizing medications has made the huge arc slow way down so she has fewer days at either extreme and more days in the in-between phase. They have also helped regulate that spinning ball so that the mood shifts every day are less dramatic and more manageable.

So, what do I mean when I say October is coming? This week I have noticed more anxiety and depression creeping in. It is a little bit early for this to start, we are only at the end of the second week of school. I was really hoping for another month or six weeks of stability. Don't get me wrong, Mary is handling it well so far. We are not deep into the cycles. She is not raging or threatening suicide. But she is just very down and stressed. Every day this week she has asked me about the possibility of homeschooling her. She has NEVER wanted to be homeschooled before! She said she is getting homesick at school and she misses me. This morning when we pulled up to the school to drop her off, she started crying and just could not pull herself together enough to get out of the car. We dropped everyone else off and then she and I took a few minutes to go to Target and walk around. She was able to calm down enough to go to school with the idea that if she became too overwhelmed, she would call me and I would come get her. In the evenings this week, she has been extra cuddly and needing that reassurance. I love having her be snuggly and want time with us, but I wish it was not because she is feeling so sad.

So, what do we do?!?!? I think that she would really miss school if we pulled her out. I think she needs that social interaction and she especially needs the extra help and teaching skills from an unbiased outside source that the teachers provide. I think she would be bored after the first week and want to go back to school. And if we pull her out, I don't know what would happen to the IEP? Would we have to start back all over again to get her the accommodations that she needs? I am working 2 part time jobs that I really enjoy. I am going to school myself for the fall. If I homeschool her, when would we be able to fit that into the routine? Can we qualify for the homebound education from the school system? What would be best for her? These are all questions that are running through my head as I sit here and ponder what to do. And it isn't even October yet...

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