Not sure what to say!

It has been an interesting day (well really it has been an interesting few weeks) around here. As I posted earlier, Mary has had a really tough time adjusting to middle school. After the first week, it has been all downhill. I ended up keeping her home from school for the last half of last week. We went up on her anxiety medication and she seemed to be doing a little bit better. She went to school on Monday, although as the time grew closer to leave for the school, she grew increasingly anxious. She ended up going, but called me crying twice and then wanted to come home early. On Tuesday, she went to school, again with a lot of anxiety, but she only called once and was able to stay all day.

Then this morning hit! She was very worried all morning about going to school. She keeps telling us that she is very uncomfortable in school, she is very scared, she is homesick and just wants me to homeschool her. As her anxiety grows, I am also seeing an escalation in her frustration level. She has been so great at home and such a sweet angel. But I can see every time she starts to think about school, she gets anxious and then frustrated. I can understand to some degree how she is feeling. I know that I get frustrated when I feel like people just aren't listening to me, not hearing what I am really trying to say, or just not understanding the seriousness of what I am feeling.

I was able to have her get ready for school and drop her off at normal time. I came home and started working on picking up the clutter, loading the dishwasher, etc. I had not been home more than 10 minutes when the phone rang. It was the counselor at the school who very abruptly told me that he had Mary in his office and I needed to come pick her up immediately... she was talking about killing herself. When I got to the school, I had to sign a form stating that I had attended a "crisis meeting" and that I had been advised that we needed to seek immediate help for her. The crisis meeting consisted of the counselor telling me that she had been in his office every day this week, that she was very distraught, and that she had said she wanted to kill herself by strangling. Mary's first question was "do I have to go back to the hospital?". I told her no, that I did not think that would be necessary and that I knew she did not really intend to kill herself. I was then informed that she could not return to school until she had received medical treatment and her psychiatrist had signed off that she was stable enough to be in school.

I was able to get in touch with the doctor who has made room in her schedule to see Mary tomorrow. I was also able to get her in to see her therapist this afternoon. All day she kept telling me that she was still thinking about killing herself. Thankfully she is not acting on any of it, but she is definitely feeling desperate. We are on high alert and watching her closely, although I really don't think she would follow through with it. But you can never be too careful. I have also asked the school what we need to do to get the ball rolling on having homebound services take over the schooling part of life for now.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Praying for some good answers from the doctor. I will keep you posted!